The Neo Domino Inquirer
by Lady-Arrowwood
Summary: A series of one-shots based on Team 5D's reactions to various tabloid stories about themselves.
1. All Jacked Up

**The Dysclaymer: I haveth not the ryts to the series wych calleth itself Yu-Gi-Oh! Of the 5d's. (Nor do I speakth proper ye olde englishe.)**

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><p>"I <em>cannot believe this<em>!"

Aki heard Jack before she saw him. His voice boomed outside the door, which he proceeded to open with much more force than necessary. Aki glanced towards Crow, who stared at Jack with a vaguely annoyed look on his face. The twins both looked at each other, puzzled expressions on their faces, and Yusei remained stoic as ever, continuing to work on his D-Wheel despite his best friend's random outburst and dramatic entrance.

Jack stomped down the stairs in the garage and glowered at everyone. "Yusei, this is serious," he said.

Yusei glanced over his shoulder in time for Jack to shove a wrinkled and abused newspaper literally right into his face. "Jack," said Yusei, "I don't know _what _I'm supposed to see here. You're blinding me."

Jack swore and whirled around, choosing instead to shove the newspaper into Aki's hands. "Read that! It's ridiculous!"

Aki frowned at the paper. Crow leaned over her shoulder, while the twins gathered themselves up beside Aki on the coach. "That is a _crime _against our honor as duelists!"

"The only 'crime' I see is the amount of lip gloss Yusei's wearing in that photo shoot," stated Crow. "I mean, his lips look all...shiny..."

"Not that Jack's mascara looks any better," Aki noted.

She wasn't quite sure why Jack was so worked up about the spread. Sure, the guys' make-up artist and photographer seemed to have shot the entire thing to make them both look as effeminate as possible, but that wasn't nearly as bad as all the shots photographers had tried to get of her when they'd covered the members of the team. At least Jack and Yusei were posing with their duel disks and _looked _like duelists; they'd wanted Aki to do some sort of awkward pin-up pose. "Turn the page," Jack growled.

Aki did and raised an eyebrow at the next picture, which had Jack and Yusei in it. It looked...rather suggestive. "Did you two kiss?" asked Rua, eyes wide.

"No!" snapped Jack. "I don't even know when they took that!"

Considering that it was a picture of Jack and Yusei standing inches apart, while Jack appeared to be stroking the younger duelist's cheek, Aki thought it was an easy mistake to make. It didn't help that Yusei's eyes were closed. She narrowed her eyes and glanced towards Jack. "Are you _sure _you don't remember what you were doing?" she asked.

"Yes, I'm sure!"

"Yusei."

Yusei looked up from his computer screen, and Aki showed him the picture. "What were you doing?" she asked.

He frowned and shrugged. "I don't remember."

"Oh, will you quit looking at the pictures and read the article!" shrieked Jack, sounding uncharacteristically manly.

"It can't be that bad," said Yusei.

Aki flipped over to another page, and Crow snickered. "Oh, man, that _pun _is a crime. _Yusei Is All Jacked-Up_."

Aki flushed and resisted the urge to smack Crow in the face (because she was embarrassed for Yusei; she didn't like him, or anything. Really. Really, really.). "Ha! It gets worse!" Crow exclaimed, reading eagerly. "Sorry, ladies, but the dashingly attractive Jack Atlas has given his heart to his pretty-boy teammate Yusei Fudo. Ha! I guess we know who the dom-"

"Crow! There are children here!" Aki snapped.

"Yeah," said Ruka, "And I don't really want to think about Jack and Yusei doing...that."

"Doing what?" Rua asked.

There was an awkward silence. "Um. Maybe...maybe your butler can explain it?" said Crow. "Maybe."

"I'll explain it to you later," said Ruka.

"Oh, who cares?" yelled Jack. "The press thinks I'm in love with _him_!"

"Are you implying there's something wrong with being in love with Yusei?" asked Aki.

Jack eyed her oddly. "No, but I'm _not _in love with Yusei! I'm not even gay! And Yusei ought to be more...more offended at this!"

Yusei nodded. "I don't understand it," he said.

"I know! How could anyone think we're...we're together!"

"Not that," Yusei said. "How in the world did the writer get the idea that _I'm _the pretty-boy? You're way more effeminate than I am."

Yusei turned calmly back to his work while Jack glared daggers at his back. Aki held back a laugh. "Lover's spat?" asked Crow.

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><p><strong>AN: **Word of God here. Yusei had an eyelash on his cheek, and Jack was trying to brush it off for him before the shoot. Mostly just some fun, though, inspired by a couple tabloids I saw. Feel free to suggest pairings and photo shoot ideas for future one-shots. (And I promise the next chapter of _Ad Astra _is almost done. It's just gotten more plot than I thought it would have...)


	2. Playing Card Game

**Disclaimer: I solemnly swear upon my Solemn Wishes trading card that I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! 5 D's (and trust me; that's a good thing).**

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><p>Following the whole <em>All Jacked-Up <em>issue, Jack felt like he needed to prove his masculinity even more, and thus, to ensure no one doubted he was straight, he made special efforts to avoid Yusei. When there was a photo shoot, he demanded not to have any photos with the younger duelist. When it was a group photo, he shoved Crow between him and Yusei. Sometimes, Aki and the twins, too. Occasionally, he'd cram Bruno in there, also (though he tried to keep him far away from Yusei, too. That freaky blue-haired friend stealer). Just for good measure. If Yusei was annoyed by Jack's behavior, he showed no signs of it. The others, however, were more vocal about it.

"This is ridiculous!" Aki huffed as Jack began protesting his standing beside Yusei, albeit with a brick wall prop between them.

"I can_not _stand beside him!" Jack snapped.

Yusei quietly moved away, shoved Crow in his place, and sat down in a nearby chair, all the while giving Jack the _look_. Jack hated it when Yusei gave him the _look_, which really, really deserved capital letters _and _italics. It was that 'I am far more mature than you and simply humoring you because I—unlike you—am above arguing over such petty issues.' Jack glowered at the other man before doing the shoot with Crow.

Still, despite the others' irritation, Jack continued to stand as far away from Yusei as possible. Until Crow messed it all up, of course.

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><p>It'd began as a simple outdoors, snow-filled shot, and apparently Aki was feeling playful because before the cameras started rolling, she formed a snowball and hurled it at Yusei. It missed, but apparently, he was filling competitive because he smirked and threw a snowball at Aki. Crow, then, joined in, and before long everyone was involved in a snowball war. Jack only got involved because Yusei hit him in the face with one, and that demanded revenge. (Of course, the refined Jack Atlas would've never gotten involved otherwise).<p>

Apparently, the person heading the whole photo shoot thought that a snowball fight was a grand idea because he insisted they keep it up, while his crew snapped photos. The team split up and began constructing forts. Aki, Yusei, and the twins built their fort, while Jack, Crow, and Bruno built theirs. (Jack didn't really care for Bruno being on his team, but the latter insisted it was only fair).

A few minutes in, with snowballs flying everywhere, the camera crew started demanding they mix it up some. Aki leaped on top of her fort and posed dramatically before hurling a snowball and ducked back down. That led to the rest of them copying what Aki was doing while simultaneously trying to avoid being pelted with snowballs. Then, Crow decided to do something very, very stupid. "Hey, I'm gonna go get a prisoner!"

Jack didn't pay him much attention, figuring Crow would try to grab Aki, and the rose duelist would beat the crap out of him. That was exactly what appeared to be going down. Then, Yusei came out and helped drag Crow to the fort he and Aki were using. "We have a prisoner!" shouted Rua, jumping atop the fort and cheering.

"Save me!" Crow yelled. "She's scary!"

"Serves you right, Crow!" Jack yelled, enjoying the younger duelist's dismay.

Of course, Bruno felt bad for the guy and decided to run across the distance between the forts. There was a lot of yelling and laughing, and Jack couldn't really tell _what _the other team was doing behind their fort. Crow and Bruno emerged, dragging out a startled looking Yusei. "We have our prisoner!" shouted Crow.

"No, Yusei!" shouted Aki, standing on top of the fort. "Fight them, Yusei!"

Crow and Bruno snickered before half-throwing Yusei behind their fort with Jack. That might've been well and good except that Crow apparently decided they needed to restrain their captive, and by 'restrain' he meant they needed to tackle Yusei to the ground and pin him down on top of Jack. Jack growled at the added weight and rolled over, attempting to shove the other duelists off him. That worked. Sort of.

Crow ended up lying a few feet away in the snow, while Yusei ended up actually pinned underneath Jack with the latter unconsciously grabbing his wrists. Immediately, Jack yelled in surprise and jumped back, stumbling over the younger duelist and kicking him hard in the shin. Yusei yelled in surprise. Jack actually did feel bad about that and was about to sort of, halfheartedly apologize when Crow laughed and said, "God, Jack, I didn't tell you to break his leg!"

Okay. Yusei wasn't getting an apology, and Crow was getting a fist in the face.

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><p>After that, Jack hadn't really been surprised to see the photo in a magazine, though he'd been really, really hoping it wouldn't. With an uncharacteristically resigned sigh, he threw the magazine on the ground, beside Yusei's D-Wheel and at the younger duelist's feet.<p>

He thought Yusei would ignore it, but to Jack's surprise, he actually paused his work and picked up the magazine, flipping through a few pages. "_Jack and Yusei Play Card Games. _Huh. That's what they're calling it now."

Then, he tossed the magazine aside and returned to his work. "So how's your leg?" asked Jack dully.

"I have a bruise the size of a grapefruit."

"Yeah, well. I was trying to avoid..." Jack trailed off, strangely unsure how to continue without sounding offending.

"Looking like you're gay for me? Yeah, I know. No hard feelings."

"Yeah," Jack said.

There was an awkward silence, broken when Yusei said, "I don't understand you sometimes, Jack."

"What're you talking about?"

"Why don't you just go to Carly and ask her to date you? You like her, right? Go to her before everyone else and ask her out. You'll look straight, and she'll have her story."

Jack blinked slowly before jumping to his feet. "You know, Yusei, you are absolutely _brilliant _sometimes!"

Yusei offered him a slight smile. "Yeah, I know."

Jack jumped on his D-Wheel and flew out the door, leaving Yusei to look after him, shaking his head ruefully.

**A/N: **Not much to say about this. I was halfway through doing homework for world lit, and um, wrote this instead.

**DancingQueen21: **thank you. I do like my crack! ;)

**azure blue espeon: **thanks!

**Blackcat0989: **Thanks! And on the subject of who's more 'pretty boy' Jack or Yusei: I actually never thought about Jack as being a pretty boy. Yusei, definitely, though. I think it has something to do with his eyes and his bangs.

**Momo Shikiro: **Thanks!

**KajiKiki: **Thanks!


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